• Rose

When I Say I Deal With Depression, He Looks At Me Like I’m Crazy

Everytime I decide to let someone sleep over, I try to hide my medication so they don’t ask what it’s for. The other day I was talking to someone who has the potential to be a BF and I was saying how tired I’ve been. I accidentally said “I think my medication is what’s making me so tired”. Oops. Sure enough he asked what for and I hate lying so I told him it’s for depression and he didn’t say anything, he just looked over at me for a second (he was driving). Thankfully, the light turned green and I continued giving directions.

So, when do you tell someone you have chronic depression? What’s too early? Too early and they think you’re crazy or that it’s way too much TMI for where the relationship is and they can get scared away. The way I see it is it’s a part of me; some people have 6 toes, some had a cleft lip, and some suffer from ulcers, GI Illnesses...and they don‘t say, “Hi, my name is Rose and I have 6 toes”. All of those things and more should be treated like normal human occurrences that people can have and should be revealed organically as you get to know someone.

For instance, it’s ok I mentioned the depression in the conversation because it went along with what we were already talking about and I didn’t turn the conversation into something that made be seem like a victim. I just ended up saying, “What? I’m not crazy” and continued the conversation. He may or may not come back or call again, but if he doesn’t then he wasn’t strong enough anyways. A lot of people out there are judgy and shallow and sometimes I look at this as a way to weed out the weak. I want a strong willed man that can handle what is thrown at him and if he can’t, he sure as hell gives it his best shot because that’s what kind of woman I am and I won’t accept less.

For the longest time I did feel like I needed someone, but I realized that my depression has always been worse in relationships since relationships in general add stress to your life. I’m not saying I want to be alone forever, but I am saying I’m not worth anything to anyone if I don’t love myself when I am alone. I need to learn to function on my own before I am ready for a relationship, otherwise that person will only be a crutch for me and I will only be a burden to him.

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